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There are times in every woman’s marriage (most typically when she’s doing something completely annoying like picking her husband’s underwear off the bathroom floor again, or maybe that’s just me?) when she has had the following thought:

Man, it must be nice to have a wife.

To fall back on some complete and total clichés, I’ve wondered what it would be like to have someone shop for me and schedule my doctor appointments for me and tell me when I need to show up and slap on a tie.

So I turned to a woman who knows exactly what it’s like to actually have a wife — and as it would turn out, a two-wife scenario isn’t all that different from a traditional marriage.

1. Disagreeing about the kids is common

In traditional marriage, it’s pretty common that there will be disagreements about parenting styles when raising kiddos. But for Sophie*, a 55-year-old consultant and her wife, Kendra, 53, who have been together for 20 years, married for 11, and have two young daughters, the fact that they are both women doesn’t mean they have the same ideas about child-rearing.

“I tend to be more strict,” explains Sophie. “Since Kendra is home more and tends to be in the position of making more decisions related to the girls, I often don’t agree with her decisions.  She is REALLY good at including me in any major decisions — she knows what is important to me and allows me to voice my opinion. But, I have to say that if she disagrees, more often than not, it goes her way.”

2. Work at home is still divided

One would assume that two women = totally equal responsibility at home, right? Well, that’s not exactly realistic for any two parents and two wives are no different. In any successful marriage, it’s not necessarily about who does what, but the fact that each partner is comfortable and respected.

“I work every day, do most of the cooking (Kendra selects the menu and takes care of all preparations), work on most home projects, mow the lawn, etc.,” Sophie notes. “Kendra makes sure the girls are fed and happy, does all the laundry, she is in charge of the family calendar and makes sure we are all where we need to be with whatever we needed to bring (no small task).” She also goes on to explain that her wife doesn’t enjoy “wet” cleaning, so the couple hires a housekeeper two times a month.

I find it totally reassuring that it’s not about being “repressed” or “oppressed” as a woman if I’m the one who’s scrubbing toilets if we’re both OK with that, you know what I’m saying?

3. Pregnancy still takes understanding

I completely remember wishing that my husband could understand even remotely what being pregnant felt like — a period cramp, a chocolate craving, something. But the truth was, pregnancy is a journey that only one of us could take and I had to put my big girl maternity pants on and include him in the journey, too.

For Sophie, it took understanding and a commitment to respect what her wife was going through even if she couldn’t physically experience it as well. “Kendra was very sensitive to the fear that I might feel left out so we went to every doctor’s appointment together,” says Sophie. “We loved laying in bed together feeling the heartbeat. We rented a machine that would allow us to hear the heartbeats — very cool. We loved the planning and dreaming.”

4. Money is always a “discussion”

What couple hasn’t argued about money? Apparently, money woes are universal to marriage and parents. “How we spend money can be dicey at times,” admits Sophie. “I am more interested in saving for retirement and Kendra loves to shop!”

5. Date nights don’t always happen

I’ve also felt some kind of a failure that date nights don’t happen all that often in our marriage. Everyone says it’s a necessity, right? And in our case, if I don’t plan it, it doesn’t happen, which is a whole new can of worms. But it doesn’t have to be a man vs. woman frustration, instead accepting what works for your relationship. In Sophie and Kendra’s case, date nights are just not that important.

“We don’t have date nights anymore because as the girls have gotten older they have gotten really busy, but occasionally they both have engagements with friends and we get to be alone together,” she says. “We usually decide what to do together. Neither one of us are into getting dolled up and going out to dinner. We enjoy being casual much more.”

6. Commitment is hard work

Sophie and Kendra are dedicated to showing their two young daughters that marriage is hard work. “I want my girls to learn that loving another person is hard work and requires a lot of talking,” Sophie says. “True love requires giving beyond the point of convenience.”

7. It’s not all about sex

In light of all this Ashley Madison craziness, marriage is getting a bad rap for being a little lacking in the bedroom department. But let’s face it — sex is not the most important thing in marriage.

“Unfortunately I fear that unlike skin color or ethnic region, the only thing that makes us different from ‘the rest of the world’ is whom we choose to have sex with,” describes Sophie. “Because that is the only way we are differentiated, heterosexuals tend to batch us as sex-crazed idiots. The truth of the matter is that it is not just who you choose to share your body with, it is more about who you chose to share your soul with.”

So looking at all of this, do you mean to tell me that marriage is still about love and commitment and challenges and give-and-take and compromise and raising kids together no matter if you’re married to a man or a woman?

Well color me surprised.

And also disappointed, because that means I’m still stuck picking up my hubby’s boxers.

*Names changed to protect privacy